It’s incredible what God will reveal to you when you die daily and pick up His cross. There has been an abundance of grace and mercy being pouring into my life. I have realized that once I became open, obedient, faithful and gave it all to Christ-everything changed. How could it not. What makes my heart sing is how divine and beautiful His path is, for me. It goes beyond any hope or dream of mine.
I have continually endured trials and struggles knowing very well that choosing to follow Christ takes courage. You need to be willing to walk where few have walked. You need to be willing to give up control. You need to be willing to be obedient, at any cost. Christ, himself, had a rough time on this earth; He was persecuted, He was tortured, He was tested and tempted. He died for our sins. He loves us that much. So it fills me with an overwhelming amount of joy and peace to be able to be an open vessel. To be used to glorify God. To have the eyes to see and the ears to hear; to know truth. I have lived a life without my Heavenly Father. I don’t ever want to go back there. I don’t ever want to turn my back on Him. I desperately need my Savior, every moment of every day.
My creativity has been cracked open. My mind is gushing with ideas. The images colorfully exploding out of my mind. I have entered a free space that is all mine. Instead of holding back, I’m switching gears. Allowing my mind to go where it may, feeling safe with who I am, the person that God has created; and with whom I may. I am currently untied to fear. Oh, I hope I can hold onto this, but everything comes in waves. There are continual seasons, it all keeps moving.
Lately I’ve been wrapped, so tight, in a cloud of worry and anxiety, there is barely room to breathe. I felt suffocated and misplaced. There’s a theme question being asked by people who are near and dear to me: “So what’s the plan?” Since I’m a free-spirited artist, this usually means: What’s plan B? When are you throwing in the towel? All because I’m not financially stable and haven’t booked any modeling or acting work, consistently, in a while. Because these are people who love me and I them, I can’t pretend this doesn’t affect me. It does. It cuts deep and makes me doubt my abilities. It makes me feel like I have run out of time, at the ripe old age of thirty.
I was out for the count. It took me days to get out of the funk I was throw in by insecurity. My first instinct was to pray. I did. But, what God doesn’t want me to do is sit on my ass waiting for Him to place things on a silver platter for me. I decided to browse the internet for some clues. I came across this informative article by Kathy Caprino: A Surefire Plan to Figure Out What You Want. I went a step further and took her free Career Assessment Test..What made this test different from the others? She asks the right questions, you do the hard lifting. Remember: it takes a bunch of little steps to get somewhere. You can jog, run, sprint, walk, crawl; whatever suites your needs. Just move. Do something! If you find yourself unhappy, like I was, assess your life. Sit down and figure out what will bring the joy back.