Continual Change

Allowing myself to fall into a free flowing space, like leaves dancing in the wind. Like the clouds floating across the sky. Every chord striking directing into my heart. I feel it in my skin. There is so much that needs to come out. So many questions, ideas, concerns, hopes and dreams. How lovely is this? How lucky am I. There is, yet another, shifting. Yet another change that comes continually. Expect it. Never turning your back from it, pretending it doesn’t exist. It does. There are some deep hard truths about this world, about this life. I’m playing along. I am consciously trying to be better, sometimes failing miserably and sometimes succeeding in ways I could never have imagined. The unexpected life that is. The unexpected life that awaits. Wait. ‘Be still and know that I am God.’ It echoes in my mind. His Word glides through an open space. A safe place. A place that I can trust. A place where I find peace, joy and hope. No matter what I face. No matter how pulled down I feel, His gentle hands await. How sweet.

His Word drips like honey from my lips. As the white clouds turn to grey so does my heart when people’s health are stripped away. When disease is filling more and more bodies, it eats away– at us. Don’t we see? Can we not see? How sick we are becoming. How dry we are. I thirst for water. I thirst for your Spirit. Oh lead me to the rock that is Higher than I. Lead me down Your narrow path and shelter me with Your wings. My Comforter. My Savior.

Shame consumes me. I allow this emotion to penetrate through me. Feeling it, dealing with it, accepting it. Accepting my filth. Unafraid to expose the truth because I am free. You have set me free. I am not bound by chains, the illusionary chains that once kept me down. Those cold metal links that wrapped around my dainty wrists. All lies. The picture is exposed, I can now see. Ignorance is bliss, some might say. There are moments where this will fit like a piece to an unsolved puzzle. Understand that there is another side. Another way of thinking. My ignorance kept me in the dark. A darkness I thought was bliss. A darkness I convinced myself was freedom. I might have bought into the lie that I was free, that I was different. Following the herd, blending in. I no longer want to walk on the main road. I no longer care to pretend. I will not gather masks that make me more appealing to others. I will not hide from God.

My unworthy flesh longs to be fully changed; no longer itching for pleasures of this world. The distractions confuse me. How can I crave You so much one day and accept a small dose the next–when You are so good? I rebel against You. Why must I turn away from You? Use it all for good, Lord! Use my flaws and my mistakes. Continue to shape me in Your ways. I cry these words out to you, Abba, Father. Change me! Help me. I weep for those who weep. Let Your Truth speak into the hearts of those who don’t know You; like the sun setting, a beauty swallowed whole by darkness. We sometimes think this true. Yet the sun always rises. Your Light bursts from darkness, every day. Every day begins and every day ends. Every day has light and every day there’s darkness, with all the trillions of other things in between. There are things seen and unseen. Fill the void that creates an emptiness. The hole within me thirsts to be filled by your Spirit. Continue to let Your will be done in my life so I that I may be used by You. 

These words are only a portion of truth. That’s why I must continue on this path, sharing with you the journey He has me on. May the love, mercy, grace and truth from our Savior Jesus Christ speak into your souls. May you crave a more intimate relationship with Him. May His Word fill you with hope, Wisdom and Understanding. May we all “walk by faith, not by sight.”


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