My creativity has been cracked open. My mind is gushing with ideas. The images colorfully exploding out of my mind. I have entered a free space that is all mine. Instead of holding back, I’m switching gears. Allowing my mind to go where it may, feeling safe with who I am, the person that God has created; and with whom I may. I am currently untied to fear. Oh, I hope I can hold onto this, but everything comes in waves. There are continual seasons, it all keeps moving.
I will enjoy this glorious place of mine, where I don’t have to hide behind an idea of what people want me to be. How can I be true to myself when I’m trying to be something else. It doesn’t make any sense. There is no substance in that. I don’t want to hide behind a social mask. I love my Father, up above. I look at all the beauty He has created, how intricate and complex He is.
My upper torso moves from left to right, feeling the vibration of the tune playing. The blood that flows through my veins can’t help but feel at home to the spanish rhythm of the drums. A sound that soothes my ears and soul. I understand that this isn’t my usual post, this isn’t a thought out article with a point. Nope, this is about the free flowing create space that I am in. And, I don’t care how it’s understood. I can’t make you understand, I can’t force you to do or feel anything other than what is true to the person you are. The artistry of our individualism fascinates me.
The California sky has turned from grey to blue, a literal opening up of the upper atmosphere as I internally reveal layers of myself through these words. I’m not sure where else to go, where else to take you. If I stop now I will leave you high and dry. Something my dear love has asked me not to do. Why draw people in and leave them hanging–questioning what has happened. Why has she stopped her words? Something I do from time to time, from fear. My fear that no one cares to read what is on my heart. So I begin, but don’t end.
My words–my art is a form of expression. I do it because I have no other choice. I do it because it is my calling. It is who I am. It is not for you; although, I always hope to be able to help those through my work. Being a servant, helping others, is an even deeper calling of mine. It is through my art and my ways of expression that I can be a tool for God in ways I cannot understand. I do this all in faith. I don’t know the results, I don’t know what will happen five minutes from now.
I am blessed, that I do know. I can breathe! I can get up and walk on two working legs. I am aware of the specific blessings given to me. Health and the use of every body part is a gift you may not truly appreciate until you’re bed ridden and ill. I’ve had and continue to have some issues with my body that affect my day to day. To my advantage it is not nearly as bad as others have it. I am still able to live a full life. Something I cherish every day.
I have four minutes left on my blog clock. Because my creative energy is bursting from me, I don’t want to stop. But, responsibilities call on this adult life of mine. I hope I haven’t left you high and dry.
I leave you with this: do something out of the box. I didn’t realize I was thinking inside a box until Evan, my friend/roomie, gave me an idea that was so simple; yet, I could not see it for myself because my thinking was narrow. My mind kept flashing with images of paint, when I started toying with the idea of creating art again. (Inspired by the two women in my last post). I began to calculate how expensive it would be to buy paint, an easel, plastic (to protect my carpet) and the number of canvas I’d need. I felt stuck. Frustrated with the reality of how little money we make as artists; yet, you need money to be one. Do you know how expensive acting class are? Yoga? Paint? It discouraged me.
When I was sharing my heart about creative outlets with Evan, he mentioned charcoal. He said, “check this artist I’m following on Instagram. She’s amazing. I can see you doing this!” Umm, yes please. I love black and white–AND–it’s cheap! Why didn’t I think of that? It’s so simple.
When I saw the artist he was raving about, whoa. My friends give me more credit than I deserve. It makes me feel good to have people who believe in my abilities. It encourages my soul and creative spirit. An answered prayer indeed. Just an example of my boxed up idea set free. One of the many reasons I love having creative souls around me.
This quote, which I’ve held near and dear for years, is being implemented into my life more and more. Sit with these words, for a moment.
“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” Theodore Roosevelt